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Friday, July 31, 2009, 10:48 am
Lolz.. den at home... i rest till 11 den wake up... After tat... like 2h or more.. my father called mi and ask mi to pick my mother up from hospital. Haha... the way there is super sian... So boring... so far... Lolz.. be4 tat.. i have to cook my own lunch... Tried to make steam egg.. Sad.. add too little water lolz.. So.. first try failed lolz.. I asked my mother how to make steam egg... den she teach mi verbally lolz.. Haha.. Den i was late to meet up for FOP... Haha... den i rushed down.. and go there : D... Lolz... i wore a shirt tat i didn't wash for 3 weeks omg!.. Haha... and idk if i should wash it lolz...!!.. I wore tat shirt today because i'm happy for wad i did... And my feelings are good!... The shirt is pretty in colour and it shows everyone.. i'm happy. Its been 3 week since i wore tat shirt! lolz.. Haha... tat mean.. i have been not veri good for the past 3 week.. But its over now. Went for FOP today... The sermon was great.. No more worries... Lolz.. a sermon.... made for mi tat day i guess.. Love it... will post more abt it 2morrow.. brain kinda dead now.. Haha.. ok... tats all.. to lazy to carry on. I NV EMO TODAY WHEN I SEE HER.. DAM HAPPY! >3s Thursday, July 30, 2009, 9:56 am
Emoing... Have nothing better to do... So... i came out with some rules... and wad i wan hehe.. Well...I'll start with relationship rules first... Cause i just ended one. Well.. i made some promise to myself.. so.. i'll alway be the one getting hurt.. So... my gurl will nv get hurt by mi :). If i even flirt a gurl.. and she reali likes mi and we get together... I'll not play her feeling and i'll find ways to love her... And make it good and lasting within both of us... If i made a promise to my gurl.. i'll nv break it... In fact if i promise anyone... i wun break it... I'll nv flirt another gurl if i'm attached. I'll nv lie to my gurl if i did something wrong.. I'll nv end the relationship.. if i got it started... if theres a problem i'll solve it... I'll share every problem everything with my gurl. I'll nv vent my anger on my gurl no matter how angry i'm or pissed it.. I'll nv find another gurl to be a sub to get over my ex.. I'll nv two time a gurl. I'll nv cheat my gurl. I'll always be honest with my gurl. Haha.. i guess tat all for relationship.. Well.. for wad i wan... Emm.. i wan quite alot of things... Let mi start off from the items that i wan. I wan ipod. I wan more clothes. I wan a new jacket. I wan a new phone. I wan student plan!. I wan a new com. I wan long sleeve shirt. I wan new shoes. I wan to be more loved. I wan tattoo.. lolz.. I wan more piecing.. I wan more money.! Die need to slp... update 2morrow!! ahha. >3 Haha continue today :L Yesterday i stopped at wad i wan.. haha.. and i guess tat all i wan... Now... is the dream gurl i wan haha..!! My ah yi.. say i'm veri picky for my GF lolz.. Haha... GF ma ><.... Firstly... she must not be too fat... and not skinny... just ba ba can already.. haha.. Den... she cannot say shes is fat!. She must be pretty enough for mi can liao.. Sexy.. em?.. y not.. haha. Tall... Dun taller den mi can liao le lo.. Age.. 1 year older or 3 years younger den mi lo.. She must nt be veri shopaholic... well if she is... i will still love her haha.. SHE CANNOT BE A BIMBO.. i'll run away... She must be cute and shy at times.! She must learn how to cook and do housework (this is wad my mother wan...). She must know how to take care of mi.. She must pamper mi .. lolz... i will pamper her also luh... Must know how to dress.. (Duh.. all gurl noes tat..) She must not be a smoker.. She must love kids... cuase i wan 4 kids :/ I thinking... tat all :/....... or maybe more.. forgot ATM.. ahha.. Lastly... she must be SEXY,Hot and LOVING for mi!. Haha... i wonder who will this gurl be. :( , 8:38 am
I didn't went to school today again... My mother is going to get her eye operation tomorrow.. Haha.. and i dun wanan go school tomorrow.. Have a few things to say... U are never gonna come back... thats for sure... Though i love u.. i guess.. its reali time to let go... I hate u for u left mi... But i love u for wad u have given mi... Though i still love u now... But... it reali time for mi to let go.. Holding on one sided will onli bring more pain.. U brought mi enough happiness... even if its just awhile... I noe i have been an idiot for the past 1 month.... Its mi... tat wad i did last time .. when my other ex left mi.. Haha... this is how emo... i can be... Closing myself up... ignoring advise... I'm just.. stubborn... And i guess.. i'll die of cancer for tat.. haha... Tats wad facebook quiz and i think it true.. Yea... it time to let go. everything... I cut myself today... and didn't notice it till i saw blood on my keyboard.. Haha... so silly ><.... Rahhh...!! Wednesday, July 29, 2009, 8:06 am
Super sian... But.. i went to school because my baby mei mei call mi to be a good boi and go to school.. Haha... so.. i wanted to be a good boi.. so i went to school.! Hahaha... i love my baby mei mei... Always standing there for mi as much as she can... She is none other den Seeyin! Haha.. Hope tat there will be more of her coming to meet mi. Lolz.. Den i told her today.. if no one wan mi.. and no one wans her :/.. Both of us will marry each other.. haha! Wad a joke.. And now.. she is my baby :// Just a bao bei mei mei.. Dun get the wrong idea!.. Wun be getting into a new relationship so fast... Maybe .. 1 or 2 more years.. Haha.. Today is a super long day... Out from home for like more den 10h.. and it reali wears mi out.! Now i'm finally home.. i feel so.. rested.! Made a decision tat i'll be fine... Its no long matter.. haha!.. Yea... Desiree scold mi for tat post i made late/early last nite.. Haha.. too bad.. i just feel much better after tat lolz.. Tats the end of today post i guess.. I >3 Seeyin! haha.. Tuesday, July 28, 2009, 7:50 pm
I dun know y... People say... there is alway much prettier gurl and better gurl outside... Y get hung over one... Idk y... Sometimes... wad keep mi going still loving u.. still wanting u to come back... When everyday... i tell myself.. it ovr it reali over... But.. somehow i just dun listen.... I'm reali lost... back to the last time.... same feeling... Something is jsut missing and i want it back badly... I felt much more lonely den be4.. Always looking for someone to chat with mi.. But... there is no one like u tat chat with mi like last time.. Fear may things in life... one more is just loneliness.. Also hate to be ignored... If u gonna ignore.. make sure.. u do it till the max.. Or else.. it will just be in vain.. , 8:31 am
History anyway repeats itself no matter how much i try to learn.. Just tat things nv change.. Just for mi.. doesn't matter... Still wondering.. how come i can so dumb to love someone who dun love mi anymore.. How is it possible myself to keep going thinking tat she will come back one day.. When i already saw the fact and wads coming up ahead.. Why i'm still unable to accept to face wad have already happen.. I'm alway making matter worst... Being hated... Indirect self inflicted pain... Many times, i tell myself.. its over.. take it and push it back and move on.. But i just wanna hang there.. Going through all the pain tat are not suppose for mi to go through.. Self inflicted pain.. Any up coming pain coming for mi will not long hurt mi... But will just stack up... making things even longer and harder to get through... Tat y.. i took years to overcome the first one.. Was toking to my god sister... She alway says tat there is no point for mi to keep doing this.. But i'm just doing it.. Doesn't matter... I can feel tat it the feeling fading.. But i struggle for it to come back.. Doing wad ever tat is possible to make mi remember it... I'm think i'm the most senseless human being alive in this planet.. Failing everything tat i'm suppose to be done... This post is so dam.... tat desiree is going to scold mi for being such an idiot Posting this kinda post again... Well.. i guess i didn't promise not to.. Cause i noe.. i will do it sooner or later.. Miss someone who dun miss mi is being stupid.... I see myself fading off so much... Fearing tat i lose it... but.. its better to lose it.. And then everything will be back to normal.. Somethings are so hard to say.. Ever since i grow older. I brought nothing but disappointment.. Being the fallen... not rising up from where i fell.. Guess.. i'm going to be hate by u soo badly.. Tat there wun be chances of being close to being friends.. Guess.. tat wun matter.. cause i'm all messed up.. Bet tat u aare thinking tat u have made a perfect choice.. Yea.. u are perfectly rite.. Told u ... the first week tat i met u.. I'm one emo kid.. And u said u are one too.. So... guess whose the one which is more emo?.. U haven seen the worst yet.. This is just the normal one... or just alittle more then normal one.. But... the worst will never be shown... Cause its totally not worth it.. Haha.. totally not worth... Sometimes.. i wonder... wad do i deserve to be with u... Totally one heaven and earth at times.. I'm born with a heart full of kindness.. and softness.. But sometimes.. they turned to evilness and hardness.. Because i let hatred rule over mi when i'm down. Well... all i noe is....................................................................................................................................................................................................... not to be said out.. cause the result of wad i wanted to say will be not beri nice... And its onli my own point of view. Doesn't matter.. Cause its going to be gone soon... I wasn't made for u.. Hate mi with all u got.. u wun be the first to be doing tat.. My feelings for itare dead.. Even i want to have it back veri badly... Its unbeiliveable tat i did all the things tat i dun dare to do last time with u.. Tat y u mean so much to mi... Not because of wad i did with u... Its for wad i had for u.. But this doesn't matter anymore.. Since i knew it long ago tat u wun fcuking care abt it anymore... So it doesn't matter if u read this or not... i aint caring abt it... Doesn't matter.. i'm already dead to u... U nv know how much u were to mi..... U reali reali wanted to leave tat time... U made up yr mind so clearly.. And.... i had nothing to do to stop u from leaving.. Short term pain better den long term pain... Tats wad u said... But to mi.. both are pain... So it doesn't matter if its short or long... Haha.. Guess it too late to say it now. Everything for mi is too late.. Still thinking wads there to be change tat at this point of time. What more do u expect from mi at this point of time... When i already lost myself... Didn't noe i will turn to be so emo today... Which i didn't intend to ..... Was already getting better... But things are still no longer the same.. Wanted the times back there badly.. Well... its not reali the together part.. cause.. having it or not dun reali matter... Already trying to let it go... And its already gone.... Its either i'm cheating on myself.. or its reali.. I still dun noe.... wads real in mi and was fake... Lived my life like tat and it wun matter... U should be spenting time studying den to be reading... Though u need a break... but it isn't suppose to be here. Mi now to u is... making u fed up.. after tat... be sorry for it... So theres no point for u to be in this web page... Wads the point for reading wad i post when u dun care anymore?. See the irony. : )??.. Or checking if i'm ok..?.. or have idiotic i have become?.. Both ways links... I'm was dead.... The Novel u knew last time... is long dead... Possible to be revive... but... it takes time and support... Yesh.. i'm weak...... W/E.. it dun matter.... Everything... is turning into hate... Crapped.. nv thought tat it will come this far.... And makes mi wanted to say things out to this extend... Things were made till it can't be change.... And all it does.. is irratates and make u hate mi more... Haha... tats wad i do ..... making people hate mi.... Or maybe not... Depends on the way u look at mi... Theres nothing i can judge.. and there nothing tat i can pin point.. Haha.... I dun noe if i should drag to the extend to post how much i hate u... Though hating u.. i still wans u to come back badly. But i already made way tat its impossible... Or to the worst extend. Yi bai liang shan... I always have been so soft hearted tat i didn't wanted to do it... Since yi zuo chu yi wo zuo shi wu... I hate u for making fake promises.. I hate u for taking a step tat u are not ready for. I hate u for leaving when u promised not to. I hate u for breaking a promise.. I hate people who break promises... My mother made mi promises when i'm young ending up breaking them all.. So i hated it veri much... Next time... be4 u reali make a choice... Make sure u fcuking think twice.. Then to fucking say tat u have been thinking and u found out u make a wrong choice back there... Fuck this... Hate mi for wad i said... I DUN FUCKING CARE ABT IT ANYMORE.. Since there is no turn back... Then might as well make it to the extend tat i'll feel better.. Then to cry to myself thinking tat u will come back one day.... Fcuk it! I DUN WANNA CARE ABT IT ANYMORE... I GOT ENOUGH AND ITS ENOUGH... Well.. its not totally your fault. Its just tat u are too unlucky tat everything piles up.. And u are the unlucky one to be the jackpot. Things piles up.. and i'm alway keeping it to myself... So this is it... I hate u. I hate this. Hating someone is harder den loving someone... But idk y i came to this extend.. Maybe u nv expect this coming.. But it came.... Life is unexpected... Maybe hating u will be the onli way i can get over u... But.. ending up.. i still love u more den i hate u.... I already know it and i still do it... Well.. its just mi... I lost it totally... I though of leaving church so i wun get to see u and things tat the things when we are 2gether... But.. when i thought of tat my heart breaks... That so many people who cares abt mi will be worry... I thought abt killing myself... Then i thought of my mother... If i die... how is she going to feel... Putting myself into others shoes feeling how is it like... if i killed myself.... The pain, the sadness onli makes mi more sad and wans to cry more... Deep in my heart... i dun wan this to happen... But.. i kept fighting... maybe i'm not putting enough effort.. Deep in my heart... i wan u back badly... But u already made the choice.... Theres nothing tat can make u change yr mind now... When its time to leave... its time to leave... When it time to let go.. no matter wad.. it must be let go.. Just have to wait for the one next to bring mi out of this... Haha.. and then the cycle contiune.. I wish.. i can just numb myself... And ingore the feelings tat were made for us to feel the love. If i would have to numb all my feelings. So many unepected thing will be happening... Told myself everyday... tat i will not into a relationship..unless the gurl reali reali likes mi... And she take the first step to chase mi... Haha... i wonder which gurl will?... But i always gave in... and be the one to start it first. Doesnt matter... Cause for wad i had done... No one will be daring enough to tok to mi... All are so scare of how emo i can be... How dao.. i was.... I thought i was going to be ok soon.... But.... this post just poped up.. Hahaha.... its all my fault.. Everything starts from mi... And there is no ending.... Cause idk wad to say.... From wad happen...... I told myself... Always think more then one time be4 u get commited to a relationship.. Or else... I'm a living example of the result tat will happen... Doesn't matter.... I lost it.. Totally... its gone.. totally gone... All my fault.... Dun care abt it anymore... U can hate mi all u wan.... cause i said... i no long matter anymore.... Living in darkness.. though there is light.. I simply refuse to follow the light out of the darkness for some reason... And.. tat reason i know it myself.. just tat i dun wan to face it... This have always been my problem... Though i reali like the times with u... This not going to come back anymore... I love u. End of post. Labels: Overwhelmed , 6:37 am
But i forgot... And i remember it now.. It was actually abt her:/.. Yea.. my readers are getting sian of mi blogging abt her.. Miss her like ... wanting her back like .... but she wun care... Haha.. missing someone who wun miss u.. is either a waste of time...Or u reali loved too much.. Doesn't matter.. I had 3 main songs...for her.. Haha.. 06 06.爱丫爱丫 2 谁说 And Jie kou.. I guess i send u the song 谁说 be4.. and u heard it be4... Nice songs... Wanted to sing to u.. lolz.. Lolz.. make u so zzzzzzz.... No point.. just sing to myself baa.... , 3:19 am
This date.. was the time when the other Ex of mine left mi.. And.. today is the 23 day tat my last Gf left mi. And counting... Idk wad to blog today... Quite boring in school. Was to watch harry potter today.. but too bad.. things dun work out.. Now adays.. idk wad i'm doing wad i'm up to.. Just feel tat something is missing..and it no longer there. I wonder wads is it... Labels: Missing things Monday, July 27, 2009, 8:15 am
Haha... in school i thought of one thing.. I made a right choice 2 weeks ago!.. Haha.. it was about the econ text book tat Eloise lent mi.. I passed in to Jieru.. and i didn't went to church last week.. Though i wanted to pass to her face to face... but.. i was sick.. too bad uh.. Lalal.. nvm... she also dun wan.. haha.. She is busying mugging.. Jiayou :D...(Guess u wun bother.) Anyway.. i was wondering... whether to wear tat shirt tat she buy for mi.. It was the first shirt tat a gurl or should i say a Gf who brought for mi... Its the onli pretty shirt tat i have.. And wearing it shows tat i'm happy for the day.. But.. the background of the shirt is... Lol... idk whether if i should wear it.. Guess it doesn't matter to her if i do or not... A first shirt tat a gurl gave mi.. Crapp... nvm... Sometimes....i have tat thought tat u are too 'shy'...to come back to mi.. Chances for tat are low.. I still love u.. :(... Knowing tat u seeing this... will result more ignorance to mi... But.. i just wan to say :/.. ... Sooner or later i'll get over it.. Doesn't matter... : ).. Labels: Wear or not , 1:20 am
I was totally not motivated to go to school.. Dragged myself there... On the way there saw some friends.. but didn't bother to walk over and say hi.. Den... i went to school.. found out theres no one going to eat with mi... So i went to the stone table... and saw Yong sing there.. Den sat down awhile and later ta bao chicken rice there to eat .... Waited for the chicken rice so long... After i finish my food.. Yong sin ask mi play blackjack.. Haha... i turn down a few times.. then i finally gave in.. Said.. play small small.. : ).. And.. my first card was BLACKJACK.. Yong sing and his other friend... on the spot shag.... After 3 rounds... its time to change bank to the other friend... First round with tat banker... Haiz.. BLACKJACK.... He immediately high.. But.. i still gave him the sian sian face.. Den he scold mi.. OIE u win money still so sian for wad!... Haha.. den later.. i get 4 cards... zzz no big enough.. 1 more card.. bommbb. DIE pay double.. Zzzz.. Den he laugh at mi.. c la.. blackjack more.. noleng boom nia.. -.-... den he said... nvm la shi lian good also not bad de.. Haha.. as he said tat... i open my card.. Double aces :/... he instantly... @#$#$.. Yong sing scold him.. knn u suay chiu.. Den my turn to be banker... I bao bao bao all the way till the last one.. 4 cards.. 18.. den i sian... just take.. aces! Lolz.. den it was noleng 19.. lolz!.. Den they all shag.. ><... After tat i went to class... Dam sian when i enter... Not even half the class was there.. haha.. I sat alone... start messaging some people.. Cuase it was super sian.... My thought of getting a tattoo got stronger.. and i wan it.. I told my ah yi.. den she say wait... cuase she say i'm doing it on impulse.. Guess its quite true haha.. Den she say.. i should think more abt it.. and went i'm 21.. she treat mi air brush.. lolz.. Haha... though its onli air brush... my ah yi.. also quite da fang... Guess.. i'm her closest nephew she ever had.. Haha..Hope she get a good guy to take care of her when she grow older :/ Lala... i wan a tattoo... The letter love on Gara's forhead.. haha... put on my ankle.. Haha.. My feelings today is so... Crappy. I call today's modd all in one.. I'm sad,pissed,emo,fed up,irratated,hopeless,disappointed... So many more tat i can't be bother to say them all out. Sunday, July 26, 2009, 7:20 am
I'm bored to death.! Today Liverpool vs Sg ,sian till the max!. Wa lao..0-6... kan xia suay.. haha... Make mi no movie watch somemore.. Piang eh! Lala...Was looking through eveyone facebook pic.. lolz... Den... My mind said... When are pretty.. u are dam pretty, When are hot.. u are dam hot!, When u are sexy.... u are dam sexy... When u are nice... u are dam nice... But... when u are ugly.. u are dam ugly.:/ Haha... sorry luh... nothing to blog.. so just said this.. Other then this.. lolz.. i still thought of random stuff.. I was thinking how to treat my next GF better.. and treating my wife the BEST!. Haha... Dun ask mi abt wad i'm planning to do.. Top secret! haha..I guess tat all hehe... Saturday, July 25, 2009, 10:10 pm
Suddenly veri emo. Haha... idk y... But.. all of the sudden.. I ask myself.. y i'm alway lefted out. Y i was not spiritually as good as others.. Y sometimes i'm so lazy tat i dun bother to do things... Felt so... depressed ytd... Somehow.... i feel like i'm alway a spare tire.. Used when needed thrown away when there is no need for mi. Life like tat is so sadden if i'm treated like tat.. And.. i didn't went to church .. haiz.. Saddening.. haha... Crap... i felt like banging the wall.. over all stupid things tat i have ever done.. Finally... I guess i'm letting it go.. Though i still the things we do.. but.. its over.. tats... just a past and a memory.. Looking back... its... the past.. even if there is a time machine.. There will be surely a butterfly effect.... Life is just like this haha... Yea... gonna bounce back where i fell.. bang.! , 9:06 am
Fever went up to 38.4 today when i woke up... Drank alot of water.. hoping tat the fever can die down and i can go to church... Sad. Today was suppose to bring Wai seng to church de ... thks to my fever.. Zzz so didn't brought him today.. Sian till the max!.. And worst of all i didn't go to church!.. Desiree said she got something for mi... Den... someone wans to mi .... and i wans to c who is she.. cause i can't identify who is she from FB!. Lolz.. haha.. When i was stuck at home.. i got nothing to do than play games.. Made some plans.. haha.. Was super bored tat i anyhow do things. Yea.. today at home.. i was super emo.. Haiz... Head so pain... Totally messed up... I wan i wan i wan.. I miss i miss miss... I lost i lost i lost.. Labels: Its all about u.. Friday, July 24, 2009, 2:42 am
Omg.. i'm addicted to going late and ponning school!!. Haha.. Its friday... who cares?!.. Woke up at 8 to eat medicine.. lolz.. den woke up at 11 later on... Lolz.. my mother ask mi go c doctor. Scare i tio H1N1 Haha... Novel wun be so suay ok?! Today.. is also her last day of school... Happy for her.. cause she dun need to wake up early and go to school.. Haha.. but den her prelims are coming soon.. How i wish i can be by her side... helping her go through her A's.. Maybe if things didn't happen.. i might be able to do tat... Now.. i'll just be a burden.. Pathetic it is.. She still not toking to mi.. doesn't matter.. Well.. she dun wanna give mi false hope.. But.. there something i have to say.. Even if she dun tok to mi.. It wun stop mi from getting hope from thinking tat we will get 2gether again.. Haha... Mi mi mi.. Novel have alway been Novel. Just keep ignoring mi... till it fades.. haha.. Wonder when will tat happen?.. Emm.. i just wanna wish u all the best.. Study hard.. dun stress yourself out.. Everyone will be saying tat to u.. so.. if i say or not.. Dun think it will be meaning anything to u. Haha.. but i'm still going to say!.. Though i wan to be by your side helping u along with yr studies in anyway i can. U wun allow mi.. haha.. The more i try to help.. the more irratation i gives u.. So.. i guess.. i'll just wait till u are willing to initiate a tok with mi. And.. dun think tat will ever happen. Cause u dun initiate a tok with others.. haha.. Thinking back.. i had been quite a good boi with u.. Last time.. i was bad.. haha and i changed.. I got more commited this time. Might not be my best.. but i improved.. Self boast. Lala... its just mi.. and it still mi.. I alway look back into wad i done.. learning tat i grown so much more.. Haha...i kinda miss the kola bear.. I shouldn't be saying this should i?.. Makes u get more mad.. den i guess i stop...if i can ... no promises.. I learn to treasure things more then be4.. Haha.. nv take things for granted, u never noes wads going to be lost.. Anyway.. just to tell u.. Good luck for yr exams.. Study hard.. Dun stress out.. Most importantly.. dun fall sick : ).. More to come.. haha .. Thursday, July 23, 2009, 7:01 am
But still went to school today... Den reach home.. my temp was up to 38.1 haha.. lalal.. Crappy.. Den.. didn't go for Cg..! Rah.. sad.. I so long nv go Cg le.. Haiz.. I see everything falling back to where i once started... Wondering y is this happen... I came and stayed because of it.. now.. i see it gone one by one.. I wonder y is this happening... Maybe because of wad happen recently... Still trying to get back to my life back then... But den... its not going to stop where i intend to... Its moving mi back more... more away from where i last was.. I'm losing it.. Back to where i was at sec2... I see everything coming back... Every since of them... They had been gone for awhile... And now.. back to be pressuring mi.. Nvm... sooner or later.. it doesn't matter... let it be.. When thing goes bad.. its goes reali bad.. Dun wanna care abt it anymore.. I'm giving it up.. I'm seeing things... double vision.. Alway see them in dreams .. later on in RL... Sometimes.. real sometimes fake.... Just like old time. Wednesday, July 22, 2009, 8:18 am
Hahaa.. i went to school!... With a smile on my face.. lolz.. Yea.. today.. something funny happen again... My friend was toking abt his GF... getting mes... Hahaah... Told someone.. abt tat thing be4.. Haha.. i was glad nothing much happen with us... Or else.. tat might be a problem.. haha!.. Hahaa.. Yea.. today was a long long day.. When to PGSM straight after school.. Learned something new abt IP address haha! Val.. said.. i can't be emo.. if she is with mi.. Maybe.. i should bring her everywhere i go.. Lolz..Den i can nv be emo.. Ever again.. Haha.. tats all.. Laalalalala... Tuesday, July 21, 2009, 5:13 am
Lolz... Well i got nothing to tok today.. just have a few thoughts. Haha... I haven been in a relationship.. for like 2 years.. and.. haha.. after i tried it again... It ended the same!.. oh my.. haha. Nvm nvm.. i still got years to come!.. Haha.. guess so.. maybe after army den go find new one.. haha!.. Lolz.. Hahaha.. just one more thing.. I thought of something crappy today.. Love is like durians... Haha.. there is sweet and sour durians at times!.. And.. the durian spike hurts yr hand!.. So.. u get wad i meant't rite?! haha.. I'm hungry... w8ing for food to come home haha!!.. Monday, July 20, 2009, 8:07 am
This lecturer is buai pai de lo! Haha.. his good.. Anyway.. lets not tok abt him.. Cause this post wasn't reali meant for him.. Its kinda meant for myself.. haha Today's topic is about friends... I thought abt this on my way home. I was thinking back.. how friends are important to mi.. No matter wad.. there are always people who stand by my side,when i'm down.. Well.. i can give a list of them and thanks them.. John, Shipei, Valerie, Zi ling, Hermin, Hong rui, Desiree, AND MY BAO BEI MEI MEIS. SEEYIN, NWAYx2. Haha.. The people who stand by mi when i'm quite down.. Haha.. I find tat friends are veri important to mi.. Even if there is like so little who reali understands mi.. And noe wad i wan.. But actually,can say all of them dun noe mi tat well.. Haha...but no matter wad they are still my friends.. Though i wan friends tat are reali reali.. veri understandable.. of everything tat i do.. Friends tat know wad i'm thinking.. and i wanan do.. Like.. the food i eat.. The things tat i like to do.. Haha... Reali rare to find friends like tat around mi.. Maybe its my problem.. I always ask myself.. Be4 i blame others.. there must be something wrong abt mi .. Tats y there will be this problem.. Till now i haven find out wads my problem.. Haha.. Gaga.. Lolz.. Hopefully.. there will be friends tat will be veri close to mi.. Gurls and bois... haha.. it will be great : D.. Hehe.. love it.. End of todays post..!! haha , 2:11 am
It was so long ago..many many years back tat.. When i was still so young.. Back then i was onli K1.. Haha... so young.. still rmb wad i did.. I was one bad boi.. back den.. My p school is also a place i noe abt God.. Hahaha.. it was a chirstian school.. When i was p5.. i still rmb.. Every recess.. i skip it.. or just buy some snacks, and when to listen to the preaching tat my teacher gives.... This makes mi feel like.. so amazing.. like wad happened.. how my life slowly gotton into chirst.. Still rmb... when i'm lazy to do my homework.. I'll say. God.. if u are real.. do my homework for mi.. Haha.. Den.. after i left P school.. And... my life kanna got bad.. My mum brought mi to the diao tang places.. Yucks.. Felt so .... with them..haha.. post first going to school need get dressed :D Sunday, July 19, 2009, 8:23 pm
I seriously dun noe wad i'm doing.. Trying to figure out.. wad are my wants and needs. Wad are my priority. I reali failed badly.. I fall badly. And i'm not picking up where i fell,twice. I guess i nv learn.. I'm still thinking.. still thinking... and my thoughts nv stop.. Imagining things... busy brain.. Onli rest when i slp.. poor mi. Haha.. Helped my mother replaced the storeroom lights.. and got myself cut.. Haiz... haha.. Didn't notice until the blood dripped on my leg lolz.. I was like.. Ewww.. where this come from.. Later to notice.. oh.. i'm bleeding -.-haha.. Tats all ... i'm hungry.. haven eat for like... sooo long haha , 7:02 am
So i might as well blog it.. Cause u are going to read it sooner or later.. Even.. if u dun it dun reali matters. Well.. i already gave up the thought tat u have left.. and wun be coming back.. So.. maybe u wanna stop saying tat u dun wanna give mi an idea of chances. Tat u might come back to mi ... I already gave tat thought out already.. Fine den.. u can ignore mi all u wan.. It dun reali matter.. I'll just have to go back to my old self again.. Tats all... Whether u wanna tok to mi anot.. I got nothing.. to say... Dun wanna be friends den let it be.. U wun be the first. , 2:59 am
Our mermories.
Haha... its a happy mermory.. so.. lets smile and laugh.. First day.. i met u.. was on Red Rain.. U was known as the PDA gurl to mi..:) When i saw it.. i saw there was a click.. I got home den.. i added u on facebook..: ). After tat.. i started calling u the PDA gurl.. haha.. Den we starting toking.. for a veri veri while.. Haha..Den we watch rock camp 2gether.. Den we tok abt the gurl... haha.. After tat... we exchange number cause u are going to slp.. went u have school the next day.. Lala... den we message for the whole day.. We talk like there was nv ending... Tat lasted for awhile. I dated u out one day.. On jun 02.. tues.. to watch T4.. Haha.. its was a funny but great day.. We had a couple seat.. Still rmb mi kept eating the popcorn... den haha.. But after awhile... found your hand.. and hold it : ).. After the movie.. i was hungry!!.. But u was not.. claiming tat u are pregnant.. Haha.. i still haven rmb the wads tat retailer name.. And i still rmb.. holding yr hand walking down the street. Den.. worst still..my ah yi saw both of us!..Lol.. Haha.. After tat.. we didn't noe wad to do..and we started walking around and "shop" Got a little sian.. den i decide to send u home : ).. Haha..took the train and went home :D... Manage to sent u all the way to yr bus stop..and u didnt wan mi to go too close to yr house..Fearing tat yr father will find out.. Haha.. so cute.. I still rmb... tat i wanted a kiss be4 i go.. and u nv give.. haha.. Soo.. cute.... Den.. on friday... went to the airport with u and studying with muying they all. Haha.. still got...i kept looking at the show in the tv and didn't do my things. After tat.. i need to go to school.. And just nice.. everyone is going there!. Den we can't be 2gether alone.. haha.. U are also meeting yr sister.. so there is limited time.. So.. u acted as if u are meet yr sister at bugis.. Den.. shake away muying they all.. Haha.. den we walked to the train.. pei u go down.. Den the train came!.. so fast.. and u decided to miss it. And stay with mi and tok for awhile.. Den the next train came... U noe i was going to kiss.. but u dun noe when.. And i rmb.. my first kiss.. was kinda painful haha.. Pulled u to mi too hard.. den bang into yr check bone lolz..!! Srry luh.. Haha.. den we quarrel with tat first kiss.. Trying to say if it count or not.. Sooo cute... Den..one day.. u came to my house and study.. haha.. Guess it was on a monday..: ) Haha.. i kinda 4gt wad day was it.. but i rmb wad we did : ).. Its my couch!!..rmb??.. Told ya.. u will like my couch.. haha.. Guess its was the first time u hugged mi.. Haha.. Den.. after tat.. u need to go home..sad!!.. But u pei mi awhile below my blog be4 u go.. Haha... i 4got something!.. Your smell!!. Whenever u are close to mi.. There will be a smell.. not smelly luh.. Something tats nice ok!! Haha.. den wed.. u started to miss mi.. Den..we met up for dinner!!.. Eat xia mian..and u didnt ate much.. cause of yr "pregnant" thing. Haha. After tat... send u to the MRT. Still rmbing tat kiss i gave u haha.. Den on sat..haha.. U went out with yr friends to a flee market thingy. Haha.. den u got a surprise for mi : D.. hehe. Den on the way there i said u was at city hall,and my next stop is city hall! Haha. I went down at city hall and waited for her.. Den when she came we board the next train!.. Haha.. and guess wad?! ranford was in the same cabin! Was dam lucky tat we didn't do anything things... Lolz.. Haha...Things happened... so much to say... and i just gotten lazy :/ HAHA!! dun blame mi luh.. u noe i love u.. : ) Well... cut it short.. though it was meant to be along and sweet thing.. U noe.. mood changes.. Well... i guess other post are all dumb.... its just down grading myself.. Just realise.. how stupid i'm.. Well... u made up yr mind.. theres nothing i can do.. : ).. Saturday, July 18, 2009, 10:21 am
Val and shi pei asked mi to go... Haha... Convinced by Val.. i went.. So crappy.. it like i go to church onli when people convince mi to go. Haiz... I was super moody.. super tired... Can't believe i gave the ushers so much of a dao face.. And.. had to give fake smiles to entertain.. Haiz.. Seriously.. i had been thinking... the reason tat u left mi is abit.... something i cant take it.. idk y.. Everything looks well for mi.. The thing was so overnite... it was same as last time.. I reali dun noe wad to react.. when u tell mi.. tat.. Till now... many doubts have not been cleared to mi yet. I wonder y can't we work things out.. Since u said.. u like to be with mi.. I made u happy.. I made u 4gt abt yr ex. U made mi realise alot of new things... I know i'm stupid saying all this... as u already made yr mind.. not to come back again.. I'll try to respect yr desicion,i can't promise u tat.. cuase i noe.. somehow.. i will break it. I just didn't noe wad to do.. I didn;t expect it coming at all.. Though tat this will be the last time i ever get into one relationship.. Just nothing is everlasting... During service.. i was thinking abt a few choice to make... Well... have thought of them on the way to church.. I dun noe y u wanna leave mi... A level's.?? Or... u dun love mi.. w/e... Yea.. now u already dun love mi anymore... Tats kinda.. saddening.. Today... when our eyes first met.. U gave everything out... Yr eyes.... i saw them... it was like.. hey.. look.. novel is here.. hope his ok.. Den i looked away... just dun noe wad to do.. U are making it so hard for mi.. maybe u... idk.. I'll just say.. cuase u are going to ignore mi anyway.. so it doesn't matter.. Yr exams are coming.. i'll be going to burden u... or w/e.. So.. one of the choice was... Me... leaving.. everything.. Walking out of yr life.. u wun ever get to c mi again..which is the running away term u said when we are 2gether.. Does it matter anyway..?.. its up to u to say... Mi leaving everything of yours will be the onli way i can peace down myself.. And let time heal mi.. Tat will be in 9 days time... Unless.. something happens... tat something... is something tat i wun expect.. Second choice... Is tat... u might have a chance to c mi.. but it will be rarely.. My existence in the CG will no longer be there.. But my existence in church will still be there.. So by luck.. u can c mi... but not for long. Thats my second choice... My third is..unrealistic.. Which is u coming back.. Maybe it can be real.. but the chances i see is low.. U noe.. i alway have the thought.. tat keeps mi going.. But actually i'm deciving myself.. It goes like this.. my mind always tell mi.. Hey.. its ok.. its going to be alright... She will come back to u after her A's... After tat... u and her can be 2gether again... and things will be the same... Haha.. funny rite?.. This whole post is today kinda post to tok to u.. Be it tat u will be reading or not.. Or will u reply or not.. Guess u wun... U dun wanna give mi.. not even a slim chance of thinking tat u will come back to mi.. Today.. when i saw yr side view... My eyes and brain.. worked like a camera... Took yr face down.. and its still in my brain.. U will alway be in my heart.. My mind is all made up for the first choice... I have already thought wad will be your reaction.. But.. does it matters..?... tat all i have to say... Whether u read it or not.. it doesn't matter. Labels: Gone soon Friday, July 17, 2009, 8:32 am
Lala.. intended to study... but... thoughts just can't stop coming.. They are unrealistic but.. i still think abt them.. Its like thoughts thinking abt the way we got back again.. For all i noe.. w/e tat i think off,will nv be true. The more i think the more fake it is. My econ exam is fucked up already.. Totally flunk.. I wanna share with u.. but.. there no point.. Meaningless.. Its already too late.. Still thinking... y it got started.. and y it ended... Sad... my exams are over.. Its time where i sit down and do nothing.. And c wad happens.. I noe.. u will be reading this.. I got nothing much more den the same thing to say... I know.. i bring nothing den disappointment.. Have been like this for the past few year.. Yet its still the same.. Too bad.. I wore yr shirt today to my exam.. I smelled u.. I feel so glad.. and its as if u came back to mi.. and is right by my side in my arms.. Later to realise its just my thoughts. Thursday, July 16, 2009, 8:03 am
Was kinda tired..But still got out of bed..went to school like normal.. Lol.. den zoe's(my ex)class came to my school today. Went downstairs to say hi.. Haha... Learn how to blog in school today.. haha.. those typing was sooo soo irrating.. Who cares.. its kinda fun...Haha.. when i was doing the exercise.. i kept listening to Nobody and Jiekou.. Lalala.. u get wad i meant. If u dun .. ask mi -.- I wan nobody but YOU.. U noe..?.. Yea.. even if u do ... u wun wan mi.. haha.. kinda use to it.. Though it onli being twice.. but.. it enough.. Everytime.. telling myself.. i'll not step into tat zone.. But i always did.. Haha... i intend to chiong 5 chaps of econs today.. But idk y.. when i got home.. sianess falls on mi.. Yea.. lala.. den ending up i didn't study... Hahas.. nvm...2morrow is my exam... Yea.. this word exam link to another trail of thoughts. I'm thiking everyday.. Every single ting also can think.. Haha.. Labels: Fake laughter and smiles. Wednesday, July 15, 2009, 8:16 am
Now i noe how it feels like to be disappointed. Life is about up and down.. Gonna be careful to noe when u are hitting the floor. Today.. i woke up at 10am.. intending to go to school.. But den.. i just dun feel like it.. I feel so depressed and disappointed. All i wanna do if.. hide myself in something and keep doing it.. Den i start studying and noting my econs.. For a straight 2h.. den my mother came back.. She broke the silences in the house. The min she step in the house, she start screaming and yelling.. Quite super pissed off. Den she start calling people and tok so loudly tat i can't concentrate.. Fucking piss off.. Wore my clothes packed my book and notes and went downstairs.. Today is the day tat i studied the most for my self.. 6h in a row.. The longest last time was 3h -.-... Super super depressed. Econ exam on friday.. And i onli completed 5chaps.. So dead.. My thoughts have been lesser now. But they nv end.. i wonder y. I wish i can just press fast forward, so it will end faster.. Trying my best to let it go. All i wanna noe is wad kinda person am i ?.. Guess tats hard.. I saw karma coming back on mi... Regretted wad i did last time.. Too bad.. i see it all coming back to mi now.. I'm trying to forgive, but hatred is coming more den forgiveness. Things have yet to change for so long.. Veri long.. ever lasting.. How saddening.. I have return to the emo mi.. When i got out for just 1 month plus..and now threw back into it again. Gonna climb out of it slowly.. Memories, had alway been meaningful to mi. Though it bring sadness and and happiness. Places in my memory can recall many things. Eunos, PGSM's creepy staircase, Bugis mrt station, Airport popeye, My own house, My bed, My couch, My bear, My first shirt, Church, City leisure, My mrt station, Mrt, My house's bus stop, The song no body, So many much more.. tat saying them out makes mi more sad. Always been a loner.. Emo kid is my name .. Gonna end it soon, hopefully. Still tinking if i should go school 2morrow.. I wan nothing, but just yr response. I met up with my buddy today.. Saw his pretty stead... haha..winked at her and my buddy scold mi.. Haha.. joker :D.. Today's post is just like a roller coaster.. upppp annndd dowwnn. Tats life anyway... Hahas.. even if u read.. u wun care.. I'm sorry but i still have to say.. Nothing hit mi harder den wad u said. How i hate this word sorry. A word tat hit mi always. Idk y i'm saying this.. but... i'm just saying it.. I'm still immature i guess. How i wish there is someone there for mi.. who is transparent to mi. And i can share everything with him/her. Someone that will stand by mi,support mi guide mi through the hardness of life. I thought of going into army.. now.. Wads wrong with mi.. Somethings for sure, I lived up to all my promises, nv make promise tat u will break. Yea... if u read ... u noe wad i'm toking abt... maybe.. It will be better i make u hate mi. Cuase.. wad i wan can't be get.. Like wad i said be4.. it feels so irratated tat u can see but u cant have.. Lifes is about to love, but not to hold. Onces a loner alway a loner.. gonna let it be.. Labels: Emoing like always.. Monday, July 13, 2009, 8:12 am
Today.. starting .. it was kinda of a bad day.. So is it in school. Den i started to pray in tongues and pretend to be slping.. Haha... but it was still the same ... Den i was still emoing on the way home... So when i bathe.. i prayed again.. I prayed tat i 4get abt her.. all the thingy.. haha Den felt a little better. After tat.. i went to school.. Things kept running in my mind.. Throughout the whole lesson.. i complete learned nothing. I prayed again.. After tat lesson ended.. i learn nothing.. I figure out.. this can;t work.. no matter wad... So.. i decide,to make up my mind to let her go and just be her friend.. Haha.. so i typed a 9 page long message to her.. Telling her everything i felt.. and i got better. : D And after tat... a smile just came out of my face... in the middle of the train.. Basket.. so malu.. Haha... i feel great.. Saturday, July 11, 2009, 10:24 am
Sermon was short,sweet,sharp and zhun! Yea.. i reali like wad Pst said Genesis 15;2. It was when i ask God to help mi get a way out of her. Den Pst said tat, God will not give us Eliezar.. But will give what we shall inherit. So.. it came to mi.. she is my Eliezar.. God is going to give mi something much more even better den her.. I'm so touch by wad Pst said.. Thk u Pst.. Den after service... kinda emo by a side.. sitting down hugging my legs.. and "slp" Haha.. hopefully i get no one to worry abt mi.. I can handle it!.. D5 i noe... u guys wanna be by my side.. fighting the way out.. : ). Thanks alot.. After all tat.. jieru mi john and nick went to some place.. (idk where -.-) and ate dim sum! Lolz.. it was fun... i share with john abt wad happen. Yea.. was nice today.. Den... the even better thing is!. When i got home.. i made my msn PM Novel says she are my Eliezar. Den guess wad?!! My buddy... who is super anti chirst asked mi wad is Eliezar.. Den..i just said. haha bible thing luh.. i shall explain to u.. u can choose not to listen Its actually a guy call Abram who wanted a son veri badly.. and God promise to give him one but den after a veri veri long time still dun have.. so he grew despo and intend to adopt his servant Eliezar as his son.But God tells him.. he is giving him his own flesh and blood.And Eliezar is just an average guy.. But God will give Abraham .. the best of all which is his son Issac. Den he replied. Woah.Give mi website read.. I said.. from bible la dae.! Den he said lend mi bible la.! I was so shock and happy and started jumping around the house like siao... at 1am + Lolz.. funny!!.. And he promise to come church next next week!. Hear liao si bei song.. haha!.. Gonna pray hard for he appearance in church! Haha..MY BUDDY IS COMING TO CHURCH.. WOW.. All thanks to her, Pst Hao and mi! hehe.. : )... Hopefully he get save.. Friday, July 10, 2009, 10:15 am
All i did was.. went to school late.. did one job sheet.. ate breadfast,return class and went home. Wad A lame day ?.. Haha..crappy... Den... was deciding whether to go to church... Was on the side tat... if i go wad will happen ?... Like if i see her... wad will i react.. If i dun go... wad will i lose.?.. With john,shi pei and melissa.. encouraging mi to go.. finally.. i went with much persuasion.. Its have been long ever since i saw melissa.. kinda missed her.. Haha.. den sat with her during service.. sermon was great.. made mi make some new choices.. Today.. this service.. was one of my best. Y..? cause.. i sang,prayed,cried,gave all i had. All tat i have i just threw to God, all my troubles,my doubts,my faith,everything. Knowing tat in return will be nothing but more blessing. I cried out.. for God more den ever... cause this is the time when i need him even more.. How i love today.. Though i didn't hang out with my CG after service.. Just dun feel like it... Srry D5... i promise i'll get better.. : ).. I'm ok.. i'm alright.. Tats... the end of today's post.. Just wanna add something personal. Baby.. u noe i love u.. Its ok.. if u dun wanna come bak.. the choice its for ever yours.. I'll promise.. i'll get over it.. U can 4ever come bck to mi.. : ).. Sometimes.. i'll give u the fked up face.. but.. bare with it ok?.. I just dun noe wad to respon or wad to do or say when i look to u.. : )... nothing much to say... i guess tat all.. Wednesday, July 08, 2009, 8:20 am
Finally got the book for my school. Intended not to go to school haha.. but gena called mi and ask mi go.. Lalala.. i shall be a good boi for once and listen to her.. Went to school.. on the way .. i brought a pie kia pie.. and walking to school.. it rained! Dam lolz..den.. nvm.. i was late for class for 1h haha.. Den i wan eat my pie.. cause i was super hungry!. Lolz.. Den Mr lau, dun let mi eat.. when i take out my pie he ask mi put back.. I did.. den i ate the pie when its in the bag.. Lolz.. den he go super pek chek and everyone in class laugh.. haha... my class is alway full of laughter..Cool.. Brights up my day..: ) Den... still got!!. After 10 mins in class.. -.-.. its lunch time.. Haha. rite!? Yea... w/e.. After lunch... go back for lesson again.. It was a practial lesson.. Den... bu xiao xin.. use too much force den the screw driver cut mi.. Ouch.. haha.. Lalala.. den i finally got my work done after 5 times or retry haha.. STUPID CABLE. After i was done with the work.. i go around disturbing people.. haha Den i hugged Boon Ping from behind.. later to realise.. the feeling was totally different from hugging someone else... sad.. too bad, theres nothing i can do. Den dismiss!!..Woo... Went straight to PGSM... Dam sian... ate alone.. den when to school and slp for awhile.. Haha.. super tired.. Den stupid berwin.. Keep making mi laugh and gao gay with mi.. Super irrating.. Come touch my thigh.. den touch my waist.. Eww..Den later blow kiss to someone across the class.. STUPID IDIOT! Den later PS mi and go eat supper alone.. Lalala.. and soon finally home.. lolz.. Today is a long and boring post.. haha.. My bday wish for this year! !) i was pass all my studies.. 2) i wish ah yi can pei mi alot.. 3) i wish i can get a gurl tat wun leave mi. 4) i wish all my scars will be heal by the power of God. 5) i wish ah yi go back to church. 6) i wan have a bond with all my family members veri close bond. 7) i wish i can grow taller 8) i wish i'll have no friends leaving mi. 9) i wan all my friend to stay veri veri close with mi. Labels: I love u. Tuesday, July 07, 2009, 8:59 am
I'm starting to hate my mother.. Cause till now.. she didn't noe something she did.. had actually scared her son.. So much tat he is veri afraid.. Haiz.. I fear death more den anything.. I hate to say this.. but.. its wad i think. Haiz... how i wish,everything can stop. And i have everything done and have ample time to do wad i like. But i guess tats impossible.. Monday, July 06, 2009, 8:19 am
Was to reach at 8 am.. Guess wad time i reach?!.. haha.. 10 am!!. And.. when i reach there.. -.- just nice break time.. lolz.. den went to eat lunch.. Today first day of school was veri veri sian.. Yea.. today wad kinda of a crappy day.. was super tired... cause the whole nite.. See yin and nway nway first time hear mi cry and tok for the same time.. Haha.. funny luh?.. Dun think so?.. Ok fine.. i shut up.. Crap.. Tat phrase i last used.. Yea...I wanna say something which.. dun reali wan other to understand.. But just feel like saying them out.. for the better. 356473 4 73254 5683 8 4 386 926 8 86 53283 63 753273 4 73254 73254 234 8 4 5569 8 9455 7323 8447 263 3335 723 288 487 65 8 226 5878 228 27 43668464 42773633 263 538 8463 4325 64 4 732545683 8 386 46 753273 Guess tats all i wanna say.. Sunday, July 05, 2009, 7:44 am
Actually... i got nothing i felt like saying after hearing some thing.. Yea.. sad.. too bad for mi. Friday, July 03, 2009, 9:16 am
Haha.. class was so so so funny.. Stupid berwin.. keep disturb mi in class.. He stupid.. take tat tiger plam.. put on his nose liao.. left over put at my mouth.. Made mi shout and laugh in the middle of class!.. Haha.. Den after tat stupid berwin got flu thanks to tat tiger plam... stupid rite?! Yea.. stupid berwin.. Tats the funny day of mine! Wednesday, July 01, 2009, 9:10 am
Yea.. plan failed.. But.. i didn't lose my Actual cost.. : ).. So its.. ok.. One more thing tat i wanna say it.. Baby.. i love u.. I ain't running away with another hot gurl.. Just u alone will be content for mi.. No matter tat.. I'm yours.. Trust mi baby.. I love u.. Dun be insecure.. There no one else other den u ... tat i wanna love.. |
thedeceptionist
Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt.18 November 1992 hichewy@hotmail.com a hot lover of Christ |
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theventingmachine
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